While entering the tiny shop off of a barren side street, I’m greeted by the one man who has the power to boost my machismo to a whole new level. He’s a man with magic fingers and the dexterity of a championship thumb wrestler. Sure, he might be a little feminine and it’s almost laughable that he claims his pseudo salon is really a barber shop, but none of that matters when you have a guy with the ability to shape one’s frizzy unkempt mane into the shiny sleek look of tempered steel. This is my hair guy.

Awhile back I talked about growing my hair out in a post publish at Loveawake dating site blog called, "Are Long Hair Styles for Men Attractive." In this post, I spout the attractiveness of men with long hair. Of course, this was simply all an excuse for me to try something different with my own hair.

Well, it’s been over a year and half now since that post and since having a longer hairstyle, as opposed to the “high and tight” marine look that I’ve had most of my life. The long haired period was nice and would say that it even made me feel more confident in the beginning. This is a key concept, the ability to create some type of confidence or self-esteem with a simple physical change.

“So what will it be today, the usual trim up?” asks my hair guy

“No, you know what, I’m thinking about changing it up, maybe going back to something a little shorter, what do you think?” I say

“Yea, sounds good, sometimes you need to make a big change every once in awhile, it’s good for you,” he says, “So what do you have in mind?”

“Make me look like that guy in the Redken poster,” I say pointing to the suave looking model with awesome hair.

I’ve read in countless forum threads about guys asking or trying to figure out how to get more confidence. After all, that does seem to be one of the most espoused pieces of dating advice. Women like confident guys, so if you want to attract women you just have to be more confident. Shit, really?! Well, how do you be more confident?

confidence – assurance: freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities

self-esteem – a confidence and satisfaction in oneself

There’s a strong correlation between confidence and self-esteem. It seems to me that confidence usually stems from feeling good about one’s self. If you feel good about yourself then you will likely be more confident when participating in social situations.

Though many people would have you believe that confidence is only something that can come from long term personal and emotional development, I’d like to challenge that theory.

In my opinion there is strong evidence that changes in the physical aspects of one’s life can lead to better self-esteem and confidence. What kinds of physical things? Well, a cool new hair cut for starters, but also things like nice new clothes, whitened teeth, or getting a rock hard body. These things, though only surface level improvements are a stepping stone to becoming a confident person.

There is a stereotype, that many women often feel insecure about their bodies, most likely due to the pressures that society puts on women to be physically attractive. There is also a stereotype that women love to go shopping for clothes and pay a lot of money for new hairdos. Could it be that the reasons for this stereotypical behavior stems from the concept of alleviating those insecurities with small boosts of confidence that a new outfit or hairstyle can bring?

Have you ever seen one of those make-over shows? They’re amazing really. They usually take some poor depressed slobs and run them through the gauntlet of hairstylists, fashion experts and any other physical transformation you can think of. Within a short period of time they’ve practically transformed those same slobs into brand new people. Despite the changes being mostly physical, you also notice that there is an emotional change too, with those people now flying high on self confidence.

Now here’s the thing, often times making these physical changes to ourselves are minor and go unnoticed by everyone else. And unless it’s a drastic change, then it’s more likely that most people are too concerned with how they look to notice any changes that you’ve made. However, that is besides the point, it’s not about getting noticed that gives you confidence, it’s about feeling good about yourself that gets you confidence.

Several hours later I walk into the local tavern to have a beer and hang out with some friends. I’m feeling pretty good about myself, struttin’ around like I own the place, when a lady friend of mine walks into the door. She sees me, stops, pauses, walks over and says, “You seem quite chipper today.”

“Thanks,” I say, “it’s the power of the hair… it’s called ‘tempered steel’.”